|Sad Petrushka ignored her health, ignored her heart, ignored her dreams|
If you know me at all, you will know I am a little bit scattered.. prone to flying whichever way the wind blows, and not really having a set course of actions, goals or intentions, so hold on to your hat, this year, I actually planned something. I planned to PAY ATTENTION.
Where this seed was planted, I'm not sure, whether through yoga class, or something I read, or something I heard, or a combination of influences (likely), I decided that I would face some things and not just run away. And by run, I mean, walk, because I don't run.. not yet, anyway.
About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and since then, I made vague attempts at healthy living.. but again, not put forth with true intention to change. I had my Doctor write me a prescription for exercise, and every once in a while I'd remind myself that eating whatever I was eating probably wasn't the best thing for me, but I ate it anyway, and suffered the consequences. I was eventually referred to an endocrinologist to help manage my diabetes, and again, I played the game of showing up for appointments, feeling guilty for being diabetic, and not really changing anything about myself. This cycle just made me feel bad. I felt bad, so I did bad. Repeat, repeat.
Last fall I was invited to join a healthy living group run by my medical clinic, and I expressed interest but never heard anything back. Later on, I found that there was so much interest that the group had filled up and I was invited to join a group starting in January. This played right into my new intention to pay attention... hard to fight something if you don't know what you're fighting or where you stand.
I don't want to make this a super long post so I'll summarize here: I had to start from where I was.. and to do that I had to understand where I was.. with actual numbers and science.. and secondarily but more importantly, I removed judgement about those numbers.. after all, they represent the state of my body, and somewhat gave me a picture of my health, but I am not my health alone... but it was my health I needed to improve.
As a person who has been kinda fuzzy about this kind of goal-setting in the past, realizing I could effect change over time by making changes, has been eye-opening. The fact that I am sitting here posting on my highly neglected blog is a sign.. Guess who's back in the game!